Dinner with the Shibuyas
by peroxidepest17
Summary: Crack minific the Shibuya parents are very…understanding.


**Title: **Dinner with the Shibuyas  
**Universe:** Kyou Kara Maou  
**Theme/Topic:** Video Games  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Character/Pairing/s:** The Shibuyas (lightly, vaguely ConradxYuuri, suggestions of ShorixWolfram, and briefly mentions the YuurixWolfram engagement)  
**Warnings/Spoilers:** Um… vague spoilers for the like, 60s of the series, I think? Maybe? I dunno.  
**Word Count:** 974  
**Time: ** 32 mins (minor edits)  
**Summary:** Crack mini-fic- the Shibuya parents are very…understanding.  
**Dedication:** seca's KKM request on my lj. **  
A/N:** This is RETARDED.   
**Disclaimer:** Not mine, though I wish constantly.  
**Distribution:** Just lemme know.

* * *

When Yuuri received the box from his father he wasn't really sure what the elder Shibuya was trying to say, though the earnest look in his dad's eyes rather made him instinctively thank the man and take the offering instead of instinctively rage and bluster about _what_ exactly, he'd been given.

He sighed to himself and supposed that the brand new copy of "Gakuen Heaven" he'd gotten was supposed to be some sort of tool with which a father was encouraging his son to explore his newfound (supposed) homosexuality with, but in an indirect way, because Yuuri was pretty sure his dad was on the clueless end when it came to man-on-man sex (as he should be) and didn't want to sit around pretending to try and explain it to his youngest son.

The current king of Shin Makoku didn't know whether he should be mortified or oddly touched that his parents seemed so… open. He settled for something between horrified and amused, if only for the fact that he couldn't quite tell if this was a scheme cooked up by his mother or something his father had thought was a genuinely good idea all on his own. Pink-faced, he quickly hid the present in the bottom drawer of his dresser and decided to never think on it (or touch it) again.

Except at dinner both parents seemed to be winking at him and asking seemingly innocent questions that were so obvious they made him actually, physically cringe. Steadily, he found himself beginning to grow more horrified than amused through the course of the evening.

"Ne, Yuu-chan! I like a tall type with a nice smile, don't you?" his mother started, and dished out more curry than he felt comfortable looking at, let alone eating.

His father beamed. "Like me."

"Like Conrad-san," she finished, and Shori laughed subtly into his hand at his father's crestfallen expression.

"Ne, what about you, Sho-chan?" she continued, breezily.

His older brother's laughter quickly turned to something like choking-on-his-own-spit. "Mother?" he wheezed, wide-eyed.

She tilted her head and smiled sweetly, like she thought he just hadn't heard her the first time. "What kind of guy do you like best?"

Shori blinked. "What kind of… I thought we were talking about Yuuri?"

Shouma raised his hand. "I thought we were too."

"We're parents who love our sons equally," she admonished, and waved her ladle at her husband.

He coughed. "Right."

Yuuri blinked and stared at his big brother. "Shori?"

"You're the one with the harem," the older boy quickly rejoined, and looked down at his plate. His glasses fogged a little.

"It's not a harem!"

"Maa, I think Sho-chan likes the cute-type, ne? How about Wolf?"

Shori sputtered. "Isn't he engaged to Yuuri?"

Miko laughed and waved a hand at him dismissively. "Ah, you're so young, ne?" She raised her index finger in the air then, and proclaimed, "Mama was engaged four times before marrying papa!" with the utmost pride.

"EH?" the three men exclaimed in tandem.

"You were?" Shouma asked, and his voice sounded a bit weak.

She giggled. "It's like an exciting game where you never know how it's going to end!"

Yuuri's head hurt. "Mom… I'm not…"

"You're both kings! You have to at least be engaged five or six times before you get married, ne? That's how royalty is!" She made two fists in front of her face and looked at her boys intently. "Ooooh, it's so juicy! I'm jealous!"

The two brothers stared back at her. Their father just sighed and started eating his curry in a half-resigned sort of manner.

"I bought them the games so they wouldn't have to play around like that in real life, ne Mama?" he asked meekly, and looked about as mortified as his sons.

"Pooh," she pouted. "That's the problem with kids these days. Virtual everything, ne? It's no fun unless they go out and do it for themselves! That's the only way they'll find their true loves!"

Shori and Yuuri both wanted to hide under the table.

She didn't seem to notice their discomfort. "Ahaha but I do admit, I like Conrad-san best for Yuu-chan, ne? I have good memories of him!"

Yuuri blushed bright pink. "Mom!"

"But it would be sad for Wolf to be all alone because he's cute too, you know? And since Sho-chan is so big and strong Mama thinks that he'd look very nice next to…"

"MOM!"

"Dear," their father echoed, "the pork cutlets?"

"Ah, yes! Mama's famous cutlets of love coming right up!" she sing-songed, and seemed to let the topic go for the moment as she bustled back into the kitchen.

The men all sighed in collective relief upon her momentary exit and let themselves enjoy the doomed-to-be-short-lived silence that had come about while the notorious Hamano Jennifer moved around the next room getting them their dinners.

After a moment however, Shouma had to ask, because the thought was making him just a little bit uneasy. "Yuu-chan…isn't Conrad much, _much_ older than you?"

"DAD!"

Yuuri went from pink to red real fast.

The eldest Shibuya sighed to himself at that (obviously taking it as a protest towards any further jibes at Sir Weller's age) and raked a hand through his hair. "Maybe I should have bought you two condoms instead, ne?"

Shori coughed into his hand. "That probably would have been more prudent," he admitted reluctantly, the older boy twitching a bit uncomfortably in his chair. "The game… has someone in it that sounds exactly like Yuuri."

"YOU _PLAYED_ IT?" Pause. "Wait…just like me? Eeuw."

"Tell me about it," Shori muttered, blushing a bit himself. And then, "You know, Conrad really is too old for you."

Yuuri banged his head on the table a few times and wondered how hard it would be to flush _himself_ down the nearest toilet.

**END**


End file.
